They did not know any better. How do two high-functioning alcoholics decide to “help” their pre-teen going through pre-teen angst and mood swings? Pills. Lots of them. Let’s avoid all our feelings together because if someone is telling the truth here, or, gasp! showing some justified anger, then we will all have to accept that the carefully placed appearance may be crumbling or even false. Let’s blame it on the identified patient pre-teen that the repetitive suicide attempts are just evidence of her craziness, not a side-effect of all the pills. No, can’t go there. Because if it isn’t the craziness, then it must be…. oh, look over there, going back to working seven days a week. Why does the pre-teen not respond to our reverse psychology or our beatings? Look there’s another pill we could try that the doctor is going to Hawaii for prescribing off label. We wish you weren’t here, actually, why not off yourself. Here take some more pills. You want to escape and run away, why would you want to do that, this is the best place ever. Those self-worth issues and people-pleasing are the best coping skills you are going to get out of here. High-achieving on the brink of a nervous breakdown adult.

But then, pulling yourself you, you will marry an amazingly understanding and loving man. Have two children who love you and tell you their boundaries, because you listen and respect them. Have an amazing house and the ability to dream of owning your own business. You would have traveled the world, joined the military and proved to everyone that you are ok. But you weren’t, but now you are, and everything looks different. There is a mindfulness that is no longer fearful of rejection, failure, feelings. There is acceptance where there was a need for control. There is gratitude, even in the places you no longer want to be. There is nature, peace and a fuck you to those that thought I was gullible.