Britney Spears is a victim. Similar to previous historical time periods, when husbands would gaslight and abuse their wives until they were pliable enough to be put in a nunnery or psychiatric ward, then go marry their mistress. Her story is the new control narrative, one that was lucrative for her family. She was the cash cow and the best way to keep that cash cow and scapegoat under control is by drugging her and claiming she needed the conservatorship for “her own good.” Everyone around knows best about what is good for Britney.

Britney is doing rather well for herself, considering she has been under constant criticism and abuse her entire life. Could a “crazy” person keep performing nightly for a Las Vegas review? Does it make more sense that touring is the main way artists earn money and under the conservatorship she was working for the rest of her family more than what she was being paid to take care of herself? She was only able to break free later in life when she (and the Free Britney movement!) finally convinced a judge to end the conservatorship. And here we are with her memoir, The Woman in Me.

Narcissistic family abuse is a systemic dysfunctional family structure, with emotional abuse keeping everyone within their designated roles (scapegoat, golden child, enabler, lost child, abuser, enabler). Being a victim of narcissistic abuse by my family as well, they also drugged me claiming I was “crazy,” preferring the drugs that made me gain 100 pounds and become a compliant zombie. It is hard to describe how the abuse works, because from the outside, the family or relationship can appear perfect, almost a little too perfect. Then there are slips that shed the light on what is going on: the confinement of each family members personality to a box or label, the rebellious breaks from the control or the strange way a family member “cares” way too much and speaks for everyone, the threats and manipulation.

Narcissistic abuse is something that really reveals itself with time. Did we all know that Britney was a victim in 2007, after the hair shaving incident? Probably not, but it did look like someone who was fed up with others telling her what to do. Sometimes self-sabotage is self-preservation in a narcissistic family – if she made herself too disheveled or crazy to perform or play the role or concert, then she won’t have to play it anymore. It could have been the only way out that Britney saw from the controlling and finding out what she wanted for herself. Her book, The Women in Me, shows she is breaking free and finding her voice.

Britney may go through all the learning about who she is that teenagers and young adults get to do now that the conservatorship is ended. After being told what to do for decades, she may make some mistakes, pick herself back up and be smarter about what she wants and who she is in the future.