Machining, milling, measuring, making with a team, working together. It is interesting trying to dissociate while doing such hands-on work, or slightly avoiding doing hands-on work for fear of messing up. Always in my head, that old boss and parents, where I could never do anything right, left out and the scapegoat. Today I felt different. There was an air of trying again, not getting in my way. Working to stay present and enjoy the simple pleasure of completing a project and working with others to make it happen. I wish I had stepped in more, but there is gratefulness that a little more fear has stepped to the side. I will never be young, passionate, trauma fueled fear with the same drive as before, less fear of rejection anymore. What grows in the ruins of the forest fire that is my career is a tree in the charred soil that has the nutrients and knowledge to grow at a slow and steady pace to fall back in love with the job I do well but may not be the job I was born to do. May the knowledge, nutrients and sun show me the rest of the way.